Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
