Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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