If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
