Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
