just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found your dick twin last night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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