sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
