Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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