i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
