someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
