I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
