there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
