Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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