the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
