I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
