i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just high enough for therapy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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