Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
