It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
