No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
