If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
