The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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