Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
