you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
