Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
