This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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