i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
