I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
