you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
