he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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