Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
that's an acceptable place to lick
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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