um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
