why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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