she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
