if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
