what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
