do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
