Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
