Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
