Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
there is puke in my bra ... again
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