I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
