Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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