I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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