my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
