Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
