She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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