The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
