im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
