i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
