He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
