I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
