The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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